A More Innocent Time
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: After Skye is injured and loses some of her memory, Ward pulls away because he's convinced she's going to hate him again once she learns the truth about Hydra.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own SHIELD and never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

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><p>When their latest suspect took after running with Skye in tow, Ward tried not to worry despite the feeling in his gut about something going wrong and went back to fighting his attacker. His heart dropped the moment he heard Skye scream so after knocking out his opponent, he bolted in her direction and was horrified to find her unconscious. He screamed into his coms for medical help and stayed with Skye until Jemma arrived. They loaded her into the med pod and rushed to the nearest SHIELD hospital as quickly as possible. Although she hadn't been shot, the blood pouring from a forehead wound – and the fact that Skye hadn't woken up during their journey – scared the shit out of them so they waited with fear again to hear news. Ward stood up first when the doctor came out and tried to push down the déjà vu that ensued as a result. "How is she?"<p>

"Aside from a concussion and a few cuts and bruises, Agent Skye will be fine. She'll wake up soon and then we'll see what happens from here."

Ward nearly collapsed in relief but Trip held him up. "Thank you, doctor. Can we see her now or do we have to wait until she wakes up?" Coulson questioned.

"One visitor at a time for ten minutes for now."

"I'll go in first," Jemma volunteered and the others watched as she followed the doctor back into the hallway.

"We were lucky," Fitz murmured. He was still terrified that Skye could die but all of them had been injured so many times they were unfortunately used to it now.

"We're not always going to be." The haunted look on May's face terrified them even further because she didn't like to show her emotions very often, and only Skye and Coulson could get her to open up. They knew now that she was definitely more worried that she had initially let on.

"You're right but we're not going to let anything happen to any of us. We protect each other." Trip sat back down in his chair and started staring at the walls to keep himself occupied. He couldn't worry about the others getting hurt if he wanted to do his job.

"He's correct with that assumption." Coulson sat down next to May and pulled his girlfriend in for a hug. She resisted at first but eventually gave in because she needed his comfort and support. He always knew how to get her out of a slump.

Ward decided to visit Skye last because he didn't think she'd want him to see her vulnerable and hurt. Although they had worked past most of their issues and were friends now, nothing would ever be what it was. Too much hurt between them to ever go return to normal. He had reluctantly accepted that and was content to be Skye's friend. He sat by her bedside with his hands clasped together and just waited for her to wake up. Shockingly enough she did just that right as he was about to leave. He reached over and pushed the button to alert the nurses and smiled when bleary eyes looked at him. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

She groaned. "My head is pounding."

"I'm not surprised considering how long you were out." The relief that enveloped him quickly disappeared once she spoke again.

Skye couldn't think straight since her head hurt so much but she also knew that this wasn't right. "Ward, why are we here? The last thing I remember is saving you and Jemma after you jumped out of the plane to save her."

Ward froze just as the nurse walked in. "She can't remember any of the past year," he frantically informed her. The nurse frowned and stuck her head out of the door to tell someone to page Skye's doctor.

"It might just be temporary because of the trauma but we have to make sure," the nurse explained to Ward.

Ward didn't want to upset her but she still caught him trying to escape. "Please don't leave me." And then he was done for so he sat back down.

The doctor ran a few tests just to be safe but there was no brain damage – the trauma had just caused the memory less. "The retrograde amnesia should just be temporary but don't mistake what I'm saying – it could also be permanent despite the fact that there's no brain damage."

Although he knew this was a Skye that didn't remember his betrayal, he couldn't act rationally about this situation and decided to pull back from Skye. Ward didn't want to have to deal with a Skye that hated him once all her memories returned – even though he deserved it, he couldn't deal with all of that again. So he hung back in the waiting room when the others went to visit her. When Trip came out, he stared at Ward for a few seconds before sighing. "You can't hide from her forever, Ward. You need to be honest with her so you can work past this once and for all."

Ward crossed his arms. "It's not that easy, Trip, no matter what you say. She's going to be angry at me once she's back to normal if I try to be friends with her so it's just easier to avoid Skye all together. Is that all you wanted?" He tried to act angry – it usually worked – but failed spectacularly.

Trip side-eyed him. "You're really trying that with me, Ward? I know you and you're running scared but you can't do that. I don't care who it is but please talk to someone."

"I'll think about it." He didn't want to talk to anyone about this however, and resented Trip for interfering. It was none of his business how Ward handled this. And he did manage to avoid Skye for the next day. When the doctor discharged her in the afternoon, they all headed back to the Bus.

"Why is Ward avoiding me?" a confused Skye asked May.

May didn't want to tell her anything that Ward clearly didn't want to know so she lied to her. "I'm not sure but ask him yourself. I'm sure he'll tell you." And then she hurried to the cockpit to set the course to the Playground.

Ward spent all his time in the cargo hold (tried and failed to ignore the memories that elicited) just so he wouldn't have to talk to Skye. He just couldn't face her and he knew he was acting like a coward but he still had a lot of issues to work through. He'd call his therapist later to make an appointment with him.

Skye stood at the top and watched him a few times but was repeatedly pulled back by the others. "I don't know you very well but I like you," she finally told Trip after he made her dinner.

He laughed. "You're welcome. I tend to cook most often so just ask me if you need anything."

Her curiosity got the best of her. "So when did you join the team?"

"A year or so back. Coulson needed my expertise," he evaded. Trip wasn't entirely sure how they proceeding with Hydra yet but Skye wouldn't be allowed out on missions until she recovered anyway.

"Ah, got it." She didn't believe him but Skye also didn't feel like calling him out on it because her headache was back and she needed some pain pills.

Ward felt his heart break every time he saw Skye but he still couldn't face her. He didn't want to fall apart in the face of her rightful anger and sadness. The betrayal would kill her again and he had already ruined her enough. Ward couldn't do it again. But he was also caught off guard when May cornered him one night when he decided to head back to his bunk to sleep. "What do you want, May?"

She glared at him. "You can't avoid Skye forever, and her memory will return sooner or later. What do you think she's going to say once she realizes what you're doing? This isn't healthy or good for either one of you. You're hurting her, Ward. I know you don't want to – that hurting her is exactly what you're trying to prevent – but it's too late."

He scowled at her. "I'm handling it, May. Now leave me alone so I can go to bed." Relieved when she left, Ward found he couldn't fall asleep because his mind raced around on various subjects.

Skye finally decided to say something while in the lab with Jemma and Fitz a few days later. "One of you better tell me what's up with Ward or I will ruin your experiment."

"You should ask him yourself," Jemma tried.

"It's up to him to tell you what's wrong," chimed in Fitz.

She wasn't buying a damn word out of their mouths and tears filled her eyes. "Did I do something? Why does he hate me?"

"Oh, he doesn't hate you, Skye. That's the furthest thing from the truth. But we won't betray his trust like that. Please talk to him," Jemma encouraged as she went back to her experiment.

Skye stopped Ward in the middle of the hallway ten minutes later. "You're not going anywhere until you tell me what your problem is."

Ward sighed and turned to stare at everything but her. "I don't have a problem," he lied.

"Grant, please talk to me. Tell me if I fucked up and why you hate me now." She cursed her eyes filling with tears again.

And Ward couldn't stand her tears and kicked himself for hurting her again. He'd never admit to May that she had been right. "Please don't cry." He led her to a bench situated in the middle of the hallway and stared at his feet for a few minutes as he worked up the courage to confess the truth to her.

"I won't cry but you need to be honest with me." She didn't like being lied to and that's exactly what was happening right now.

He finally looked up at her and choked on a sob. "Do you remember anything about Hydra?"

She nodded. "Yeah, I read the SHIELD handbook and know about the history of it. Why?" She had a funny feeling about the direction this conversation was heading.

"Well, they still exist and they've been embedded within SHIELD for decades. They came out of the shadows over a year ago. My SO – John Garrett – sent me deep undercover to find out how Coulson survived. And once Hydra revealed itself, I had to do the same myself. I killed innocent people and hurt you – the whole team. I will never forgive myself for that and you haven't truly forgiven me yet either. I'm a monster." Fuck, he had promised himself he wouldn't cry but too late now.

Skye lifted his chin up. "So what happened?"

"I got caught and sent to prison," he dully informed her.

"But you've reformed somehow or you wouldn't be back with the team. You've been given a second chance, haven't you?" Skye felt like she needed to cry for him.

Ward shook his head. "It doesn't matter – Coulson gives everyone a second chance – and the only reason I'm back is because you needed my help to take down Hydra. I'm still a monster. You hate me now and I can see it even though you've denied it in the past. I'm lucky you even still want to be friends."

Something seemed off about that wording. "Were we in love, Grant?"

He didn't want to answer but knew he had to continue being honest. "We kissed a few times. And you may have felt something for me once but it's long gone now. And I understand why. You don't have to feel obligated or anything."

"You're still in love with me," Skye deduced.

"I never actually told you but yes. You didn't want to hear it and I don't want to ruin anything. I've probably already done it, actually. I don't want you to feel obligated to be with me because I don't want that at all. I've hurt you enough."

"Grant, don't worry about it. I'm not going to hate you once my memories return." She just needed to make sure he knew that.

"Yeah, you will, and it's fine. I'm going to see if Trip needs my help." He waved off her concern and practically bolted out of the room to escape her.

Skye decided to visit Jemma and Fitz again so she headed back to the lab. "Ward told me everything," she informed them.

Jemma sagged in relief. "Thank God. I didn't know how much longer I could keep avoiding your questions."

She laughed. "Well you don't have to lie anymore so relax."

Fitz watched his best friend work. "He even told you about his feelings for you?"

"Yeah, and wow, he's really in love with me. And this Garrett guy seemed like a jerk. He's dead right?"

"Yes, he is, and I hope that bastard rots in hell for what he did. Kidnapping a fifteen year old abuse victim, dumping him in the woods for five years, and physically and emotionally abusing him for over a decade is something he definitely needs to pay for," Jemma practically snarled.

"Wait, what?" Skye stared at her. "Garrett abused Ward?"

"He didn't tell you everything then," a suddenly guilty Jemma figured out.

"He's hard on himself so that's probably why he didn't explain the full story. I'm not surprised he left a few important facts out. Go get him!"

Skye decided to do exactly that but she needed to know something first. "What's his middle name?"

"Douglas." Fitz didn't feel bad about revealing that.

Skye thanked him and then turned around and fled the lab. She found Ward fifteen minutes later. "Grant Douglas Ward!" she screamed and then winced because it only worsened her headache.

He looked up. "What are you doing, Skye?"

She walked over to him. "Jemma told me that you left out a few details – like the fact that your SO kidnapped and abused you. Want to tell me why you didn't inform me?"

Ward winced. "It doesn't matter, Skye. I'm responsible for my own actions and what Garrett did doesn't matter."

"How can you say that? Of course it matters. Ward, he hurt you and that's unacceptable. I know you said you hurt us too but it's because of him. He's the monster, not you."

"You say that now but you'll change your mind later."

"Once I remember everything?" Skye challenged. His nod only pissed her off but she didn't feel like arguing with him. They could discuss this later.

Ward helped her back to bed and then returned to training.

He was talking to Fitz two weeks later when Skye marched into the room. "I remember everything," she told Ward. And then she pulled him into her arms and kissed the man she loved.


	2. Flip Side

**Author's Note**: Ward is injured and loses some of his memories this time, and Skye has to break it to him that his cover's been blown.

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><p>The blow to the head knocked Ward out, and a worried Skye screeched for Jemma the second he collapsed. "We'll get him to medical right away. But don't worry, Skye, he's going to be fine," the biochemist assured her best friend.<p>

"You don't know that!"

Jemma winced. "I know you're upset but please don't yell." And since they weren't allowed in the room while the doctor assessed Ward's condition, the two women stayed out in the hallway and waited impatiently for answers.

Three hours after the accident (Skye blamed herself entirely and wouldn't blame Ward if he hated her), a nurse finally came out. "He's awake but he has some gaps in his memory."

"He has amnesia?" Skye couldn't really deal with the fact that this had happened to one of them, Ward especially.

"Yes. And he's asking for one of his team members."

"You go in." Jemma figured Skye would be welcomed more since Ward loved her (even though those two idiots refused to admit it).

"Thanks, Jem." Skye ran into the room and sighed in relief when she saw Ward lying down in the gurney.

"Hey."

"Hey. So you can't remember some stuff?" she questioned.

"Apparently not? It's 2015 now and the last clear event I can remember is saving you after the Clairvoyant shot you."

She cringed and knew she had to tell him the truth. It wasn't right to keep him in the dark about this. "Yeah, about that…"

Ward wasn't thinking straight but he could tell when something was wrong. "What?"

"Um, I think I hate to tell you this but your cover was blown a few weeks after I got shot." She cringed in anticipation of his reaction.

He laughed. "I don't know what you're talking about," he lied frantically. How could his cover be blown? And why was he apparently still with them if it had been? None of this made any sense.

Skye tilted her head. "Oh, Grant. Hydra came out of the woodwork and you had to go help Garrett. You did a lot of bad things but you've paid the price for them – you were in prison for a while until we broke you out and that's a long story for another day – and are working towards redemption. You've been trying to erase the red in your ledger for a long time now."

If he hadn't already been lying down, Ward was sure he'd need to sit down. "What?" he said again.

Skye struggled not to laugh at his response. "This is a lot to take in, huh? But it's okay because Garrett can't hurt you anymore."

Ward cocked his head. "What do you mean?"

She hated this part and cursed John Garrett's existence again. "We know all about the woods and Buddy and the beatings."

His mouth dropped open in shock. "Oh." He honestly couldn't come up with anything to say to that. Garrett had only been trying to help him be a better man; ensure he didn't have any weaknesses.

"You're seeing a therapist now who's helping you deal with the fact that you're a lifelong abuse victim and it seems to be helping. I hope this doesn't cause a backslide because you've been working hard to pull yourself together. We're – I'm – proud of you, Grant Douglas."

"Thanks?" He really didn't know how to process all this because it was too much. And now Ward had one last question. "What happened to John?"

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I know you cared about him even though he was a psychopath who hurt you and others so I'm sorry to tell you this. He was killed not long after SHIELD fell."

And Grant Ward's world fell apart once more before he could even comprehend it.


End file.
